Apparently I'm Offensive

Here's the deal bitches and boys, I'm offensive like most lesbian/Jewish comics, although I am not a lesbian, a Jew, or a comic. I just try to put my spin on things.
If I offend you, I'm sorry I'm not sorry but that's just too damn bad. I realize this attitude isn't exactly conducive to being bff to everyone and their mama, but honey, I have friends and I'm not interviewing for more.
I'll gladly talk to anyone who doesn't smell like spaghetti or look like meth is their favorite condiment in a "Fuck My Life" sandwich, but I don't require your approval.
Yes, I pay too much for name brand clothing and I am image conscious, but being preppy doesn't mean I'm dying for everyone to love me. It means I balance out my filthy mouth with a nice wardrobe and with being the guy you can call at 3AM because your girlfriend is psycho or your boyfriend is cheating.
Moral of the story? There is no need to inform me that I offended you. I really don't give a shit or I wouldn't have said it.
Love,
jSe

Grindr: A WTF Situation

Y'all I entered the land of smartphones and of course, I traipsed directly over to the seedy side of town and downloaded Grindr. For those that don't know, Grindr is homo GPS. It shows you the homos in your area based on relative distance and allows you to chat, trade pictures, and/or find someone to blow in a parking lot.

Now, I thought I'd try the Grindr out and see what it's like plus I know zero gays in Searcy so why not? Suddenly this very cute boy is chatting me and the conversation is great! After a day of chats, my sister and I go eat at his work and I'll be damned if he's not a good 70 lbs heavier than his pic. Umm, WTF!

Here's the thing: I'm fat and I would date/hook up with another fatty, but why would you lie?! That picture is really old and now, I have no interest because you completely misrepresented yourself. Also, he's a screaming queen. Homey don't play dat shit. I like my men to be manly. Athletes who hunt are my particular favorites.

The point of this post is: either be honest or don't be surprised when I lose interest. I'm a fatty and my picture is a full body shot taken a month ago. Be real or be lonely asshole.

Also, my people are FREAKS!!! One gentleman messaged me and informed me that he was wear a dirty jock strap and wanted to rub his dirty ass on a glass door. What.The.Fuck does that mean? I prefer bathed men but maybe I'm different.

Love,
jSe

Southern Dignity: Home of Southern Fashion for Gentleman of Taste

I started following @SouthernDignity awhile ago (FB link here http://www.facebook.com/SouthernDignity) and I have fallen in love with their clothing! I own this shirt:

The Cigar Series shirt and it is the most comfortable Tshirt EVER! No but seriously, I wear it ALL THE TIME. The material is super soft with a bit of stretch so it hugs your body, in the I'm-made-and-fitted-properly way, not the my-shirt-is-too-damn-small way.
I also own this shirt:

The green Regnant Polo

It's a bit of a snug fit but I love that. It is made from the same material as the shirt (cottony with a bit of stretch) and is just a little bit thicker. It doesn't wrinkle and looks great on almost any body shape. If you buy any new shirts, you must buy these!
They also have bowties, accessories, and lady's clothing.

I predict that Southern Dignity will be THE clothing company of the next few years. I'm talking every country club going, Sperry-wearing, short, colored short loving Southerner will own items from this company. They are the new Brooks Brothers (although we all still love BB).

Love,
jSe

P.S.

Dear Southern Dignity,
If the gentleman in the picture is looking to drink beer and make bad decisions with a charming, chubby Southern homo, I am free anytime.

jSe

The Amazing Spiderman, or Why I am in Love with Andrew Garfield

This Tuesday I went with some friends to the midnight premiere of The Amazing Spiderman. Now, y'all, geeky things aren't usually my purview besides an appreciation of My Little Pony and the Avatar franchise (Benders not blue people.) but this movie was, in fact, AMAZING! First point for amazingness?

Andrew Garfield's acting and umm ASSets. I mean, this guy really fills out this damn spandex body suit!

Second case in point?

Emma Fricking Stone. I may be a homo but I can appreciate brilliant acting and a quirky personality rolled up in one hot as hell leading lady! I have had a lesbian crush on Emma Stone ever since Easy A. And in this movie she moves away from raw comedy into a fairly serious role while allowing that spark of Emma Stone-ness to shimmer on through like the perfect ballet flat for summer on a rack of ugly shoes. She really made the movie for me.
I am not generally a fan of Spiderman (movie, comic, TV show) because the 90s are over and there is only so much angst I can handle and I fill that quota with Boy Meets World reruns.
I won't go into the plot because of the super geeks out there that would hunt me down and wear my pelt for leaking *SPOILERS* but guys, just go see it!

Side note: I def saw 2, yes 2, Spidermen peeing side by side at the theater. It was glorious, especially because one was stripped to the waist and he was looking grood!


Here are three of the SPidermen that made their appearance. God bless their little hearts!

Love,
jSe