Apparently I'm Offensive

Here's the deal bitches and boys, I'm offensive like most lesbian/Jewish comics, although I am not a lesbian, a Jew, or a comic. I just try to put my spin on things.
If I offend you, I'm sorry I'm not sorry but that's just too damn bad. I realize this attitude isn't exactly conducive to being bff to everyone and their mama, but honey, I have friends and I'm not interviewing for more.
I'll gladly talk to anyone who doesn't smell like spaghetti or look like meth is their favorite condiment in a "Fuck My Life" sandwich, but I don't require your approval.
Yes, I pay too much for name brand clothing and I am image conscious, but being preppy doesn't mean I'm dying for everyone to love me. It means I balance out my filthy mouth with a nice wardrobe and with being the guy you can call at 3AM because your girlfriend is psycho or your boyfriend is cheating.
Moral of the story? There is no need to inform me that I offended you. I really don't give a shit or I wouldn't have said it.
Love,
jSe